How are the compliments going this week for you? Have you noticed a difference between offering compliments to an individual who is a stranger as contrasted to an individual who is an intimate friend or family member? Oftentimes there is a marked difference.
Persons that we know well often do not receive compliments from us. Why? The are many reasons we withhold complements to the people we love dearly. We say to ourselves,
“I’ve told them that a thousand times.”
Or, we do not notice the positive attributes of the person. Rather, we prefer to notice more the negative aspects of that person that tend to drive us up the wall of frustration The compliments slowly fizzle off. It will however shift a relationship when the practice is embodied to say what is positive about any loved one that comes from your heart.
There is a second dimension to this challenge. Some compliments that we offer to others are based on a temporary characteristic of the person. By that I mean, we compliment their hair today which is a beautiful red color but in just a few years their hair may become gray. Or, the face may be quite gorgeous today but a few wrinkles may sneak in over a few months time because of dehydration. Some of the characteristics that we admire in others today are temporary and will no longer be present in a month, or year or decade. We are all in bodies that age over time.
Another form of compliment is deep and has a profound impact. This particular compliment takes the following form:
“Because of what you just did (or said) I feel absolutely magnificent.”
When you say how you feel in response to something a person has just done in the moment, you have just offered a compliment that the person cannot cast aside, ignore or dismiss.
In the compliments that you continue to offer throughout the rest of the week and your life, before you speak, you might want to preface the compliment with simply saying,
“I feel…”
Then fill in the blank.
“I feel exhilarated when I am with you right now.”
“I feel so happy hearing you say that.”
“I feel…”
However you feel, simply state it and tell the person why you feel that way.
Remember – each time you vocalize a compliment to another; you are shifting your energy to the place of health and wellness. You are increasing the ability of your body to heal. Positive thoughts yield positive outcomes. Kind words are indeed a profound gift. They create wealth in your own heart which is the source of all healing. And, at the same time you have offer an unsolicited healing to another
The challenge I cordially extend to you this week is to offer a compliment to an individual at least one time if not two times a day. The individual can be a friend or family member; better yet the individual can be a total stranger. Let me explain the purpose of this particular challenge. .
To become totally and completely mindful each and every moment means we are aware of our thoughts and feelings in the present moment; not yesterday and not tomorrow, but now. Some of the feelings in the present moment are untoward, ugly and depressing. We feel an energy that drags us down into the bottom of a very, very deep valley of darkness. We feel lousy from heat to toe.
Other thoughts elicit feelings of elation, of excitement, of being so happy that we are alive and in a body and able to function. Thoughts and feelings are continuously changing – literally moment to moment.
Let me give an example that applies to my own situation. I am walking in downtown Olympia. I pass one person who is obese. They are very overweight. I think to myself,
“Oh my God, that person is so horribly fat.”
What does that thought do to me? It sinks me into a very dark place. My energy deflates.
“Why am I thinking that thought about that person who may be an angel in disguise?”
When I examine that thought I realize I am thinking that thought because I was on the scale this morning and noticed that I had upped the ante a couple of pounds since the day before. In other words, I am judging that person not because of who they are but because of who I am.
Some thoughts then have a debilitating impact on our ability to feel good about ourselves and to feel good about being in our body. Other thoughts do just the reverse. The challenge to become mindful about our thinking in terms of judgments as contrasted to compliments is, first of all, to become aware of what each thought does to our inner physiological response. Better yet, let’s set the intention to make public any and all thoughts that we have about others that are truly and completely complimentary, that praise another person.
When I walk downtown Olympia, oftentimes I have thoughts that are really quite magnificent. I see a man and I think to myself,
“That man dresses immaculately. My God!”
I see a woman who has beautiful hair and I think to myself,
“That is the most gorgeous red I have ever seen in my life.”
I see another woman, she’s walking down the sidewalk and I think to myself,
“That dress looks magnificent on that individual.”
I see a man. He is dressed casually and he has a dog with him who is the most eager and welcoming dog I’ve seen in a long time. I think to myself,
“That’s a magnificent companion for any man to have.”
We all have these types of thoughts all the time. What do we typically do with those thoughts? What do I do with those thoughts? I keep them inside. I smile to the person. I pass by them. They never hear the compliment. The mindfulness challenge of the week then is, once you have the thought, once the thought is heartfelt, to stop and simply tell the person what it is that you have been thinking as you were passing by them (or when you saw them).
I have practiced this challenge myself over the past week and found that it has a magnificent impact on my own energy level. I have seen a waitress who has served me a dinner and I thought to myself,
“She has the most magnificent smile I have every seen in my life.”
I pause to myself and think, if I say that to this particular individual, are they going to think it’s a come-on? And I hesitate, I think,
“Oh, that’s not my intention. I want nothing other than just to let her know. I simply want her to receive the compliment, the thought that I had about her most magnificent smile is just that – nothing more and nothing less.”
After hesitating, I make the decision. I’m going to tell her. So, I do. The response is so, so fantastic. I know, that through that simple statement, I have made that individual’s day. She will go home and she will tell her family,
“Do you know what I was told today?”
And do you know what happens then? Her family then says,
“You didn’t know that?”
You see, our simple compliments have a profound impact on other people. More importantly and for purposes of this challenge, they have profound impact on us. And that is – I want to say – the reason to actually make this a regular practice. It helps us feel our life force. It helps us feel good about ourselves. It helps us shift a low-level frequency and energy straight up to a sky-high frequency which is where health and wellness resides.
When you have the thought, simply make sure it is heartfelt. When you say it, the person will get the compliment and understand its true impact and significance. So, each and every day, at least once or twice, offer a compliment to a family member, friend or better yet a stranger.
Not all will be received. Some will be rebuffed. It is of course possible that some people will expect that you are begging for some kind of an exchange. You are giving the compliment because you expect something in return.
Yes, this is all certainly true. But when the person takes in and fully receives your compliment you help yourself return to balance and to reverse whatever symptoms you might currently be experiencing. Each compliment you give is a golden opportunity to feel better in the moment and each moment adds up to a lifetime.
Try it out. You will like the outcome. I certainly have.
